It's been 92 hours since I woke up in recovery. The first 24 were up and down. The second 24 were better. The 3rd 24 were good enough that I managed to go out for appetizers and a drink last night to celebrate. I was concerned I may have over-done it, but this morning I woke feeling like my old self. Really the only pain I have is in my belly button which is the site of the incision and I don't know that I'd actually classify that as pain per se. It's just uncomfortable. And for a jeans wearing girl like myself, that is the biggest issue right now. When I sit, my jeans rub against my belly button so I have them rolled down or unbuckled which is simply not attractive. But that won't last forever. And when I'm not out and about, I'm just sitting around in sweats anyway.
If that is the worst of my complaints, honestly, I am a happy girl. I look back and acknowledge that so much of my fear was in the unknown. I didn't know how my body would react to anesthesia or pain meds. I had never had either before. The anesthesiologist was really quite shocked that he had a 43yr old woman in his OR who had never had any surgery before. I guess I didn't realize how odd that is. My fears revolved around all that unknown. What if I never woke up from anesthesia? What if the pain meds made me incredibly sick? But then I woke up. I survived and now I know if I ever need another surgery, I will wake up. :-) And as for the pain meds...I got one Tordal and one Vicodin in recovery. I took two more Vicodin from the prescription we came home with (anyone need some...I have a full bottle. ;-)). From there, I probably took about 8 regular 200mg OTC Ibuprofen tablets over the following 3 days with the last one being mid-day yesterday, mostly for the headache I couldn't shake. So, apparently I can tolerate Vicodin. Good to know for future knowledge. I'm very thankful there was no infection and I didn't have to figure out what antibiotic I could take considering the fact that I'm allergic to so many. I'm also so interested in the fact that the pain everyone told me about when the CO2 runs through the body never occurred for me. Every single person I talked to told me about the pain in the shoulder. I never got it. Hopefully, it doesn't hit me out of the blue in the next couple of days, but everyone said it would happen on day 2 or 3. Maybe my surgery was so quick that they got most of it out before closing me up? I don't know. I'm not complaining though...I just find it interesting that the one thing I thought I was prepared for never happened. Go figure.
I realize that to many people, a laparscopic surgery is nothing. Heck, people have heart surgery and brain surgery every day. I had a 30 minute surgery...through my belly button. I realize it's nothing to some people. But it was HUGE for me. It's still huge for me. I don't take it lightly at all. Having said that, here on the other side, I can say that I'm grateful for the experience. I don't ever, ever, ever want to go through it again, but I learned SO much about myself and what I truly can do. And it changed my perspective on my life. Yes. A simple 30 minute surgery changed my life view. Perhaps it had to do with the emotions involved in my ovaries and my uterus, perhaps it simply had to do with pushing through something terrifying, perhaps it had to do with the humbling love and care I received from so many people. Likely, it's a little of all of the above. Nonetheless, from the outside, I am the same person (except now I have a scar in my belly button. ;-)), but on the inside, I will never be the same.
There are some things in my life that I've been fearful of doing. Some decisions that I've been holding off on making because of fear. Silly fear really. Self-doubt fear. I don't have that anymore. My self-doubt is nearly non-existent right now. Oh, it might come back. I am certain, I will still be afraid in the future. But right now, this moment...I am confident in who I am. And I LOVE that! I would not be here right now if it weren't for that surgery. And for that, I am incredibly grateful. I have some big stuff coming up in my life. I feel it. I know it's just out there waiting for me to make the leap. I'm ready. Well...almost...give me just a little longer to recover...then Watch Out World!
Time for this blog to move on to some new things in my life. Some exciting things. Projects I'm ready to undertake. Changes I'm ready to make. Keep watching this space. Big things are happening. Crazy that I needed a little surgery as my catalyst, but that's often the way life works. :-) The things we fear the most often turn out to be the things that teach us the most.
Thank you once again to all of you who took this journey with me. To all of you who supported me and Olly with your love, thoughts and prayers. I will never be able to thank you enough. :-)
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